A Series Of Failures

I feel like I’ve been tumbling down a spiral staircase that never ends. Like I’m trying to swim to save someone’s life but I can’t keep my head above the water.

I just got over a massive 2 day headache. My MIL and mother were so kind and helped me so much with the kids. I was in so much pain… I felt helpless. Like a child…. Having waves of panic attacks at 4 am because of the pain and no sleep and thinking about my responsibilities as a mother of three (with my husband gone for two weeks at a time for work). A child taking care of children.

Any normal person would call in to work sick, pull the shades, pop some pain pills, and sleep/rest until the migraine was gone. No guilt. The pain is incapacitating… You can think, you’re nauseated, you can’t even open your eyes.

But a mom is always a mom. Sick or sailing through. You can’t call into work and say you won’t be coming. 

So when my MIL told me to go lay down and she would take the three kids until I felt like I could handle the day… I cried. To be able to recover in a dark quiet room was like handing me $5,000 and expecting nothing in return. Except better. Money couldn’t buy the relief and love I felt. I was able to stay in bed until 1:30 pm! My headache was still there but no longer blinding.

To all those out there who have to deal with chronic pain. My hat’s off to you. I don’t know how you live every day as a functioning, motivated human being. I pray you get some relief.

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